Experiences of Participants at Andrevlje, 13-18th May 2016
Recorded and transcribed by Biljana Vozarevic
“Whatever is real is never lost
Various participants asked Mohanji questions and related their experiences during the retreat at Andrevlje in May 2016. These have been recorded and transcribed faithfully by Biljana. They provide a glimpse of the tremendous depth and intensity of the experiences that participants underwent as well as the clarity, wisdom and patience with which Mohanji answered each question. We trust you will read and be inspired.
Note: Some participants’ names have been kept anonymous as per their wishes.
I’m simply stunned by this meditation we have just had. I don’t know if I can properly explain it, but when my mind is turned outward by default, I would just connect to you, visualize you and go inwards. What I tried to do it this time I just tried to Be (just let it be as a witness of mind) instead of always trying to chase after something and I had a much better result during the meditation. What I have and sometimes what I get is that I am aware of my body; I get sensations which are sometimes unpleasant, in contact with people or with my thoughts. I talked to some people and they suggested that I give love to them, nurture them and today, during the meditation, when you said to hug, I tried to caress parts of my body. This time it wasn’t like a washing machine, it was more like a turbo lift.
(laughter in the audience)
Because my head kind of exploded…
I think “I” was finished 🙂
P: My experience is that I am so much aware when I see anything, a personal thing, etc. I have a thought such as, “Oh, she is cute… I like her shirt. He is getting on my nerves. He is fake”… And I am thinking, “Well, I would like to experience when people don’t have those thoughts, when you just meet someone and experience, well, I sometimes have it. However, now I am aware how much I am constantly judgmental. First I think something not very nice and then I find something nice, but that doesn’t count. I know that doesn’t count…”
I would like to work on myself so that like that I have different experience that I don’t have constant comments in my brain and would like to know if there are people on this earth who have different experiences. For example, oh, what a nice white shirt, ha ha.
M: Appreciation is different. Appreciation is good, “She is nice, she is fine” However, when we are judgmental, that’s a different thing.
P: So it isn’t a judgement when we say, “Oh, he looks good in green”
M: No. It is appreciation, It is good.
P: And if he is wearing a shirt that he likes but I don’t like it, it is not good?
M: You are not wearing it, right? As a matter of fact, you have nothing to do with it. If you want to comment in a non-judgmental way, with love, it should pass without a problem. Being intrusive will cause friction and eventual alienation.
P: For example, that is judgement, right?
M: Yes, that is judgement. See, everybody has their choices. All the people wear what they like to wear, they have preferences. So, it isn’t actually our job to say anything about that. Someone may have a similar opinion about our dress style as well.
P: I know that. That is the reason why I am asking myself why I am having comments like that.
M: That’s a program. Mind is programmed to judge.
P: It is not a nice experience. So you are telling me when we think nicely, it isn’t judgement. Do you ever have those thoughts, “I don’t ever like what this person is saying?“
M: It is prejudice. These are all different things.
P: I would like not to be prejudiced.
M: We have quite a lot of prejudices in our system and a lot of judgmental attitude. These two are detrimental to our progress. When you judge somebody, the world will judge you too. It’s a vicious cycle which we have created. So it is good to appreciate, “Oh you have done well,” and in a positive way you can nudge someone to do better.
P: How to stop being judgmental? What is the practice that we should do?
M: Just be aware of what you are talking. When you are aware of yourself being judgemental, immediately the words will stop. Most of all, talk only when essential. Embrace the beauty of inner silence as much as you could.
P: Now I am aware that I am on a good path. Thank you.
When I am breathing deeply, especially during Consciousness Kriya, I have noticed that I am quite aware of the right side of my aura or whatever it is. It took me some time to realize that the left part is somehow dark or that I am not quite aware of this. Then, during breathing, I … started to lighten this part. That is my experience, and every time I meditate with deep breathing, especially in Consciousness Kriya, I have this experience. That is why I wanted to share it. I also wanted to ask what to do or not to do…?
M: Each person has their experience; there is nothing to do or not to do. Just follow that and flow with it and it will go by itself. As long as you are doing it right, it goes on. Don’t expect the same result to happen twice and also do not expect anything to happen always. Do not analyse it, left side, right side is mind’s game. Mind wants to have answers. Just flow with it.
P: This is my first retreat and I didn’t have any expectation. Actually I have been crying for the last two days and I cannot stop it… but that’s ok.
M: That’s the way it should be. You need to shed all your stored up baggages.
P: I want to say that it is an amazing experience for me and that I am very happy that I met all these people and that I met you. That’s it.
M: I am also happy that you are here. As long as your mind is here, I am happy. 🙂
P: It is my first retreat as well and it was really intense for me so far, especially the first day, I even felt sick, but I understood it is a good thing. I was really enjoying the meditations, yet only the part when we were in peace and gratitude, soaking within, my body had some weird agitation, and it just tended to move for no reason. I don’t understand why that happened.
M: That’s because when mind has to be still, it will do everything possible to shake you up. There is a story where a guru told his disciples, “You can think about everything except a black monkey”
So you will only think about the black monkey. There’s no other thought.
P: I only want to say to you I love you.
M: I love you more.
P: During the initial days Mohanji always asked whether anybody has aches or pains, noises, etc. I must say that I did not have any such manifestations, though I have come for the second time to the retreat, not the first time. So I asked someone,“Should I have any aches or not? “They said, “We don’t know either. “ So I would like to know whether we who did not have any physical suffering, vomiting, pains, headaches… is it still all right?
M: It is working, you are seasoned. When the effects are of subtler nature, as I worked on a subtler level, it takes time to manifest. For some people it manifests fast, for some slow. It depends on your orientation. It does not mean that you did not experience anything.
P: I wanted to say to her, just wait…
I am not here for the first time, and…
M: Nor it will be the last time
P: … For two days I thought it was nice and beautiful, I had just a little headache and that is it, two days more and hurray. I though Mohanji did his job at my previous retreat. However,
today, I am in a washing machine.
P: I did not expect that, but I know that this is a part of the process. Today I feel tired and I just feel like sleeping. Before lunch I thought for me this day is over, and I will see you all tomorrow.
P: I would like to continue after this ’however,’ that she mentioned. I had hundreds of this ’howevers and buts’. Regarding the fact that I have been in spiritual practices for 15 years, I have been cleansing myself, I changed a few gurus. I thought I have cleansed myself pretty much and there is no more. However now I felt deep experience. Today I was “three in one – with crying, laughing, dancing and madness“I felt now that I had been stuck, I had stopped exercising, walking, and all kinds of good activities I used to do. Attendance of some programs does not mean one works on themseles if I do not apply it in life. I’ve started in the nick of time now and I am grateful from the bottom of my heart as this has brought me back to life.
P: This is my fourth retreat. During a retreat I feel great, but after the retreat finishes…eh, then the show starts…
(laughter and applause)
So with this cleansing I do not know, but it seems that I am dirtier than the dirtiest XXX
I have been cleansing for years, but since He touched me last year, everything collapsed. Until I came here, He had removed each and every support in life which I thought I had and could rely on.
However, I feel that peace and serenity, and I do not understand – as if I have settled my life. How is it possible? Settled life, and literally everything fell into the water. That is interesting to me.
M: You lost track and I put you back in the track.
P: During this year I felt all kinds of things. I cannot find an expression, but do not take me wrong, I did not know what to do and I was completely disoriented. Everything fell apart and then the mind says I don’t know. I have lived with that mind for years and experienced all kinds of things, and suddenly I need to throw it away, so it started rebelling in various ways: first that I have fear of Mohanji, then I communicated with Him and the fear disappeared. Then I had doubts, as if somebody was telling me, “Don’t you see what he is doing to you!
He is taking everything from you, destroying you….“ Then even that went away. In my occupation, I closed a drugstore. Instead of closing it for 40 days, I cannot close it for six months. Everything fell apart, only my family stayed. He managed to remove all my friends from me
… and after all that I have come here again.
M: After all that isn’t there a way of earning for a living that remained? I took away only the fake stuff. They were supposed to go anyway.
P: Well, now everything is clear to me, but it wasn’t clear while I was going through it. I was going through hurricane, and immediately afterwards through an earthquake, tsunami, everything!
M: It has to be because you have been handling these fake stuff for long. Even though you know it is fake you tend to like it and you hold on to it, but it will not take you anywhere. Whatever is real is never lost.
P: Yes, yes, it is clear to me now.
M: Even though there is an expiry of rent and you must move out, how do you still survive with this drugstore? It is still with you. No landlord allows a tenant to stay after the expiry of a contract.
P: Here and there some patient comes.
M: They have thrown you out of it and you survived.
M: I have given you everything you deserve. I just took away only the fake stuff. You don’t need the fakes. We tend to live with them and we stagnate. Good.
This is my first retreat and I feel that I cannot say thank you enough. I was deeply connected to you months and months ago and I felt that I should come. The moment I saw on Facebook that Mohanji is coming to Serbia “I said, I am going – I know I should be there.” That was a clear intuition that I should come and it’s absolutely brilliant experience and I feel like staying ten days more, ha, ha.
… but ok.
M: Then people from other locations will kill me if I stay here more.
P: Everything was so wonderful. I didn’t have any sensations at the beginning. I didn’t have any aches or pains and was wondering, “Is everything ok?” Is it something that I didn’t let go? Is it ok if I do not have any sensations?
I still didn’t have any bad experience, let’s say. I just feel I don’t need food. I eat because I know I should eat and it is good to be in that restaurant with other people, but I don’t need food. However, I need more sleep.
M: That’s a change at subtler level. Each body will respond as per its orientation. It’s natural.
P: Also, in meditation I constantly feel vibrations in the third eye and root chakra, and I am still struggling with my mind – I cannot keep quiet.
M: All of us are.
P: Thank you.
I would like to share one interesting detail from the last day of the retreat. Personally, I believe it is a message – a message of love. On my tissue, after I had a little nosebleed, I really had what to see:
P: When I came here, I had very strange feelings. I could not sleep until 2am… everything was telling me it is not right place for you – you should go from this place. I cannot explain with words that kind of feeling. However, day by day, I started to be myself. Today was really amazing experience. I feel as if I put down 3 tonnes off my shoulders and I feel light like a feather. I don’t know how to thank you.
(to audience) I had a problem with addiction i.e. gambling and drugs and was obsessed with it every night, along with having a family and job. I could not focus on anything else except my obsession. From the moment I met Mohanji, he did something to my lower stomach, only he knows what, I feel as if I have never been addicted to anything in my life. I feel very pure, clean. It’s an amazing experience for me! I don’t know how he does it, but he just does it.
P: I am not here for the first time. I was happy because I did dot have any pain until this morning. I had such a contraction in my stomach region. Today during the shaktipat, it stopped. Thank you so much. However, before I came here, I could vouch for myself that I loved myself always saying, “You love yourself.” Today, after meditation and practices we did, chanting, etc. for the first time I felt pure love for myself. It stayed for about a few second, never mind, but for the first time I know WHERE I should go and what feeling to achieve. Thank you so much! There are no words to express this, but we are lucky that you can see our heart on top of everything.
P: This is my third retreat and I am here for the first time on my birthday. During the retreat one pattern repeated third time and that is my strong resistance against the practices we were going through, one of which was related to that dance. My body was completely paralyzed. As we started dancing, I had a desire to express through movements, but my mind resisted to the extent that I could not move even an inch. Then at one moment I started thinking,“I am here with Mohanji and with all these beautiful people, if i need to break this barrier, then it will be now,” and then I started to dance and dance like this…
and it was one of the most liberating experiences for me, as many people worry what others will think or say, whether some my movement will be stupid, but it was all so, so beautiful that I think that everyone should express themselves through movements.
P2: Teach me.
P: I’ll teach you, no problem
P: The second thing was my resistance towards Conscious Walking which irritated me very much and I don’t know for which reason.
P: Whenever I should have gone for Conscious Walking, my mind started resisting, rebelling, to growl, to shriek… and then while I was talking to one participant, I realised that,“If I am irritated by it so much it must be that I have to go for it and overcome this resistance.“ So after Conscious Walking, like after dancing as well, I felt huge unburdening and relief. While I was doing conscious walking, suddenly Mohanji came from opposite side. Held my shoulders and started pushing me backward playfully. He pushed me in a rhythm. I was doing conscious walking backwards. Mohanji was pushing me backwards a few yards. Something tilted within! WOW ( Master appears at the right time and the right place for the right person.)
Third, today was one related to the meditation “360 degrees“. While I was in a restaurant talking to two friends, the same thing happened – I had a resistance for a long time. Then after the meditation a lot of this stuff was cleared away.
So I realized the mind blocks us preventing us to let go of some stuff, but we definitely have to face them in certain situations in order to liberate ourselves as much as possible.
I’ve been with Mohanji for two years and I attended many retreats, each of which was very special for me. This is the first one where I came with full faith and surrender and of course, without any expectations. I can say that for the first time I really felt emptiness which is very, very powerful and whoever felt it knows what I am talking about and while the music was on and while we were all dancing, I simply needed to remain in that peace so I just stood and enjoyed it. Because my mind tortures me, like everybody’s does, e.g. my past which is not so important, but there were a lot of stress and ugly scenes, etc. It is not important now, it has all catapulted me where I am today, and that’s why I am here. However I just wanted to enjoy it. It is a fantastic feeling and I am more than grateful to our Master and we are all really blessed as he came into our lives.
Yesterday I told him privately and now I want to share with you all, I simply cannot describe how happy I am to serve him, he trusts me and gives me a chance, together with some people of course, to organize retreats and various programs in the future. As I am happy, I am sad as well, because I cannot show him how humble I am in front of him, and how much I love him. Because he gave me an opportunity to be with him, talk to him, share ideas with him and simply… that is that speechless side that I cannot express… I am so humble before our Father and I love him so much, I’ll do everything for him, and that is it.
And it is so sweet to me when Mohanji speaks Serbian, it reminds me of myself when I speak English.
P: To me, it is maybe most interesting to see, as we are deeply connected, how it will work in your physical presence, we have never physically interacted, and I thought there may be a big gap. So now it is interesting to me to see how it will be working.
Thank you for everything, I cannot express enough love I feel and how much you deserve.