Written by Raja Shree U.K.
Gratitude to Mohanji
I wish to offer my gratitude to Mohanji for being there, for radiating so much love and beauty, and for guiding and teaching us all towards the ultimate. Thank you endlessly.
Basking in the Lap of Shiva at Kumbakonam
I was deeply drawn to the Pancha Tatwa retreat from the moment I heard about it. It was not an easy decision to make especially when you have young children at school. However, I decided that I would try to make it happen and accept whatever outcome came. I trusted Life and so surrendered knowing that there is a perfection going on in my life which has never failed me.
Therefore, I worked towards making it happen and luckily for me everything happened flawlessly. The thing that most surprised me was the arrival of my Indian Visa in 2 days, despite most people waiting much longer due to a busy Diwali holiday period. In fact, I was at my cousin’s stunning Kali pooja on Kali Chaudus (3 days before flying out) where we had made elaborate offerings to Maa Kali, Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, Swami Vivekananda and our Guru’s. Surprisingly, just as the pooja got completed, I got a text from the Visa office confirming my Visa and passport were ready for collection from 4pm onwards the same day. With beautiful synchronicity, I was able to complete the pooja, have lunch and arrive at the Visa office en route home by 4pm. At the Visa office, I overheard disappointed people ahead of me in the queue complain that their Visa had still not arrived (though they had submitted their application forms several days prior). I felt the graceful hand of the Divine on me, overseeing everything and making things happen wonderfully. I was elated and feeling very grateful.
The structure of each day was intense and I was surprised at how well I got into the swing of things. My body coped with the intensity of it all from the 4am arising to drinking 1.5 litres of water for water therapy, to the packed days full of yoga, sacred temple visits and Satsangs with Mohanji. Within me there was no resistance, I just did what I was told happily.
Many wonderful things happened during that incredible week. Here are some of the highlights that I would like to share:
Physically energized, consistently uplifted and joyful
Right from the start, I was riding high on some immense energy like I had a Duracell battery inside me that was on fast-forward keeping me ‘on’ the whole time. By His Grace, it seemed like I was surfing high on an adventurous divine wave of light, brightness and utter beauty. All I wanted to do was sing and smile. I felt my legs had no role to play for me as my body (from head down to my groin) was like a wheel and I was just floating through time and space without much effort on my part, doing what was needed at every point in time. It felt light and good.
The Homa raised the bar for me further and I felt as if on fire. I took some incredibly charged up pictures of the Homa in which clear images of Ganapati Bapa and what was later revealed by Mohanji as Dakshinamoorthi could be seen in the flames. Mohanji is so divinely bright, these things always manifest around Him. I love Him – He is beautiful!
After the Homa, I sat quietly in the background behind a pillar and just observed everything in silence and solitude. I could have sat there forever needing nothing and no one. At that moment my whole body was tingling with electrical pulses like every cell, every particle in my body was buzzing, enjoying its own ecstatic and vigorous dance of Shiva. Imagine, a trillion cells in my body each enjoying a little ecstatic Tandava dance of bliss! I loved the Homa so much; I could have easily continued for another three or four hours without any problem.
Profound meditation experience, like Shiva was cradling me in the palm of His hands:
My goal for the retreat was to use the time to go inward. I feel I did enjoy some deeper states of meditation. One evening, after the 360 meditation, I sat in a very deep trance like state. Mohanji was talking about what it means to be in the Shiva state. He said that you become desire-less, you become expression-less and you are constantly in a perpetual blissful state (called Sat Chit Ananda). I was in an elevated state of absolute pleasantness within myself, no desires and needs and no need to express anything to anyone. Was this the Shiva State that Mohanji was talking about? I felt like I had become my sweet Mohanji that evening and it felt magnificent.
Shiva’s energy rushed through my veins embracing me and injecting me with his fire and magic:
All my life I have felt a very strong connection with Shiva; from a very young age Shiva’s chants were always on in my home. I feel like He follows me around all the time and, lucky for me, He will not let me go. His blessings are felt!
I had some deeply moving experiences at some temple visits. At the Airavatesvara Temple near Kumbakonam my body, mind, my whole being was flooded with the compassionate grace and energy of my sweet Shiva. It is always hard to fully describe an experience, however the best way to explain it is that I felt totally taken over by something higher, like I was possessed by an entity far bigger than the tiny, speck-like me. I surrendered to what was happening. It was so intensely beautiful, and whatever sounds and song came from my mouth, I felt like it was not coming from me; it was coming from His mouth. Tears flooded the place and one word I kept on saying involuntarily was “Shiva Shiva Shiva Shiva”. It was like an engine throttle going on, which was out of my control. I just kept on chanting soothing every cell of my being. The mantra became a constant sound in me and I was drenched in it. I could not get enough of it and I never wanted it to end. Unfortunately for me, I was more or less forced to leave the temple by dear Mamu and our team of organisers! It is fair to say that I would have happily died there in the arms of my beloved Shiva.
A divine synchronicity, like One Mind was operating the show:
It often seemed like I was operating with One Mind amidst all the lovely participants around me. Whatever I desired (or what others desired) was being delivered at all times through this One Mind.
A few examples are mentioned here:
- At one temple visit I bought an archana plate, which had various offerings in it including one lotus flower. I remember looking at it and thinking to myself, I wish I had two lotus flowers. I was a split second away from telling the seller I wanted to buy another lotus flower and suddenly the archana seller gracefully put another lotus flower onto my plate. Magic!
- On one of the first evenings, Devi was doing the arti after satsang. I was set back from the Dias and thought quietly to myself, ‘I would love to do the arti to my dear Mohanji’. After a few minutes, beautiful Mamu (who I love so dearly!) appeared right next to me and gestured to go and take the arti. He did this several times actually but I was too shy to come forward! I did not want to interrupt Devi but eventually I moved forward and politely took the arti plate and did arti to Mohanji. I was so tearful and joyous, I swayed merrily whilst doing arti. I loved every minute of it and certainly danced like nobody was watching! No doubt all this was His grace.
- I had taken some Devi Sutras to the retreat because I wanted Mohanji to tie one on my left hand. This was a way of allowing his highest intentions for me to soak into my world over the coming months. I had bought a few spare sutras to give to others. One time I got a random urge to give my final sutra to Bindu Nair. She looked at me so very touched and grateful, she then shared that she had told Aneeta she really wanted a sutra for Mohanji to tie on her wrist! Bingo. I was so happy to be the one to deliver it.
My favourite aspects of the week were Shaktipat, Satsangs with Mohanji and simply being with Him in physical proximity. The Shaktipats I felt were like fire pulsing through me via his hands and touch. I absolutely know that a divine seed was being planted in me, and in all the participants, which in time will be hugely transformational for all. I am so utterly grateful for his sacred touch but more so for his love and compassion for being with us all and always offering himself to us so fully. He is a rare being, made of nothing less than Shiva’s fire, the Ultimate.
Aum Arunachala, Shiva, Aum Shiva Arunachala
After a magical week with 50 beautiful people, I was delighted to be travelling to Arunachala with Mohanji and a few others. I felt so lucky and braved two amazing parikrama’s barefoot in rainy but refreshingly crisp weather on two very sacred days – on the Sunday (Prabhodhini Ekadashi, dedicated to Lord Vishnu) and the Monday (Dedicated to my beloved Lord Shiva). Although I was often in a lot of physical pain as the path was filled with small stones, which dug into the soles of my feet, I made a point to remain focused and not internally suffer or give in to the pain. I had decided the goal was set and I made sure I delivered if only for my higher self. There was nothing more worth doing for me. I did not want to be a tourist on this route, wanting everything to be cosy and comfortable. I would be a devoted pilgrim, even if I bled, got blisters and endured physical pain, I would happily endure this as my volition was clear – to complete the parikramas with the full force and intensity as Shiva would have done it.
I had read that Arunachala Giri Vallam is regarded as one of the most sacred walks in India because unlike four other sacred mountains, which are regarded as Shiva’s abodes, Arunachala is regarded as the actual body of Shiva. I felt immensely lucky and blessed to be walking on the body of Shiva especially with Mohanji & that too on two very sacred days. Completing these parikrama’s were the ultimate for me. I was exhilarated and on a high! Thank you God! Shiva! Mohanji! You have made my world. Literally.
On an aside, I had been suffering from a painful lump at the back of my left Achilles heel for the past 6 months, which the doctors had diagnosed as Tendonitis. However, since the day I completed the Arunachala parikrama, the lump completely disappeared and I am now pain-free even though we had walked on rough terrain in bare feet.
To conclude, since the trip, I feel more stillness in me. Often during meditation, there used to be involuntary movements in my body however now my body and mind seem to have settled. I also feel that my sushumna, ida and pingala pathways seem to be clearer. The sensation of my breath doesn’t seem limited to my nostrils and lungs and I can feel the prana extending all over my body and beyond especially in the head region.
Thank you my dear Shiva Arunachala! Thank you my sweet Mohanji Mahadev! Thank you my darling Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev! Thank you Shree Ramana Maharshi! (for your piercing gaze which split me open). Last but not least, Thank you to my beautiful, powerful Siddhas for residing in the stunning Arunachala Hill and making it shine, throughout the world, with its scintillating radiance. Thank you for hearing my songs, chants and heartfelt, sometimes tearful calls during both parikramas. My heart is drenched in devotion for you all. I love you all so completely and dearly. Please continue to be with me.
“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.” Here is one of those poems:
Mohanji, My heart,
Let every situation
Be a stepping-stone
To reach the divine
Fulfil my potential
To become Absolute
In this life
Just help me
AUM Shanti Shanti Shanti