Written by Yashik Singh This post is probably one of the most personal posts I will write. It deals with the mercy of my Guru. It deals with how loving the path is. It deals with the unconditional love Mohanji has. Yes, I will describe some very personal incidents, which I am reluctant to share, but they clearly show me how merciful Mohanji is. So when reading this post, in no way is it an ego trip. It’s just me trying to explain what is in my heart, and how Mohanji has fulfilled everything. It’s just a child telling his friends how Guruji changed his life. For as long as I can remember, I have felt that I was a little different. Cars never attracted me, new clothes never made me happy, money was never a measure of happiness, and even friends did not cause an attachment. It was difficult living like this, especially when you tried to explain your feeling to people. All I wanted to do, was to be alone….lol and I thank my parents for only having one child…can you imagine what would have happened if I had a sibling…oh gosh!!!! When I started university, my direction was moved to studying. This was the only thing on my mind. At that time, after being exposed to some of the most intellectual people in the scientific community, I DECIDED that this was my path. My plan….to be Dr Singh by the time I reached 35years, and Prof Singh by the time I reach 45yrs. Academic life became my passion, publishing in international journals, writing artificial intelligence programs for health care. Everything was going according to plan. I achieved a PhD at 30yrs and am the only person in my continent with the qualification I have, and maybe one of 10 people in the world. But there was something missing…..Even though the “Dr Singh” happened…..it was not giving me peace. As I saw it, my life would be purely academic while I slowly and individually moved on a spiritual path. I met my Babaji, my Mohanji, just before I graduated. At this point, I was put onto the path by Guruji and work and studying was going well. I had everything that I wanted….and was walking the destiny I had decided and planned for years on end. But if I was honest to myself, I was not happy. The biggest part of me was missing. But what was it. So I decided to take an entire day and just think about what I want in life. To think about what I want to be in this life…..and then it dawned ….I knew that my happiness is in being Mohanji’s devotee. And then it happened…..something came over me and there was crystal clarity. My experience in this life, is to become a Sanyasi. My job in life is to become a Swami. And peace filled me completely. This was not a decision (like the other phases of my life)….this was not a process of logic….not even a process of deduction…..it HAPPENED…it was a spontaneous flow of grace. Looking back, I see that this step was taken for me. Everything I have been through brought me to this point. Every piece of joy and happiness as well as heartbreak and sadness, carried me to this point. Mohanji immediately gave his blessings to me. And I can’t explain the joy that filled me. I was walking in the middle of a shopping mall when I read his message, “I shall install you in the path when I come there. Meanwhile Swami XXXXXXXanada is rightfully yours. Think over carefully. I know you won’t (deviate) and you have my blessings for that.” I stood still in the mall, and just smiled. Mohanji’s grace was flowing. He knew the most important thing to me is to be his devotee, and he without hesitation agreed to it. Becoming a Swami is as Mohanji says “This is a big and bold step. This must be considered seriously and with perfect conviction”. But what does becoming a swami mean. This may sound morose, but becoming a swami means committing suicide. It means letting go of all your personal ambitions, your ego, your desires and translating them into the ambitions of your Guru’s purpose, filling yourself with the identification of your guru and becoming one with your sampradaya. Becoming a swami means letting go of your own identity and filling yourself with the identity of your Guru and your Sampradaya. Being a Swami means protecting the sampradaya. A few days passed, and I began to wonder if I was ready for this step. I thought that maybe Mohanji is allowing this just because he loves so unconditionally. In my mind I spoke to him, and I heard him say that I am ready and he will send me a sign that I will not be able to refute. An hour or two after that, I got an email from a devotee from Stanger. She described how much pain she was in as she had lost her mum. She was sitting in her room and suddenly the room lights dimmed. And she heard a voice at her bed say that she is not alone and she should not be sad. Immediately a change came over her. She felt light and happy and felt as if all her burdens were removed. This voice slowly appeared into an image and she described to me at length how compassionate the eyes were and how loving the smile was. Immediately I thought she is so blessed, and she saw Mohanji. But no, Mohanji chose to appear not in his regular form, but in my bodily form before her. This was shocking to say the least. How merciful is Mohanji. He chose my form just so that he could give me a sign. He did so much because his love is so unconditional that he does the most non-egotistical leelas. This was my sign…and I never questioned my readiness again. Because this made me realize one thing…it’s Mohanji that’s doing everything. It’s not about my stature or my connection or my readiness…..it’s about Mohanji’s mercy!!!! The entire process of initiation into a swami in the nath Sampradaya, is all internal. It is the grace of the Guru that flows to you. But on the outside, certain steps are taken. The first is to do your own funeral rites….for two reasons….you do it now, so that even if there is no one around to do it when you die, your last rites are done. But more importantly, it symbolically shows your death, Yashik died to this world. Yashik died to his family and to his friends. It was symbolic of killing Yashik’s ego.
The last rites took two days to perform. All the offerings that need to be made on the day of the funeral as well as all the ceremonies were done. I started the last rites in my normal state of mind, just thinking this is symbolic. Little did I know the change that was happening in me. Towards the end, I lost all identification with this body and it lasted for a week. I felt that I was moving in the body, but I was not in the body. As I offered each pinda, as I offered each tarpana, I could feel a piece of me leaving. Eventually all that was left was a shell. A shell that was left for Mohanji to fill. The day finally came. Mohanji asked me to seek the blessing of the deities in the ashram and the blessings of my parents. I must give a special mention to my parents here. They had to sacrifice their attachment to their only son. Not many people could do this.
Mohanji prayed to Lord Datta and asked him to bless me and allow me entrance into his Sampradaya. Mohanji lead me in front of NagaRaja Vasuki, and poured three lotas of water over me. The first purified the body, the second purified the mind and the third purified the intellect. As Mohanji poured the water over me, I was surprised that the water became hotter and hotter with each lota. By the third Lota it was as if I was having a steaming hot bath. I had put the water in the lota, and I knew they all were cold water.
Mohanji gave me the ochre cloth and upadesha. It was so amusing that the kitty, dhattura, refused to leave during the upadesh. So we changed his name to Dhatturananada hahahahahaha
There has been a complete change in me. Everything that I see is now different. Everything is experience…everything is Mohanji. In less than a week I will be able to use my new name. I must admit, I am so excited lol. See more photos
Edited by Caroline Moscato